The blessing of being broke

Everyday, I am more and more amazed by God.  His creativity is astounding; where the enemy lacks creativity, God is the Author of it.  I have struggled with a wine/cigarette addiction for three and half years.  This is where the enemy lacks creativity: the bible says "Do not become drunk on much wine".   Well, that I had been doing.  I can now say it in the past tense because on August 29th, I woke up and the head knowledge of the fact that God Loves Me thunked down into my heart.  And just like that, the stronghold chains were broken.  That's not to say that I haven't found my way back to it on occasion.  I think maybe 5 times since then, I have been "drunk on much wine".

But recently, just when I thought I would be re-consumed by this addiction, God has creatively intervened:  He's removed the means to obtain said objects of my affection addiction.  We've been broke! Hallelujah!!   He knows that for now, I need this way out.  Because it's still so easy to convince myself that it's not that much money, it's just once in awhile, everybody does it, 1 out of 8 women will get cancer anyway, as long as my husband doesn't find out, my kids don't even know, I deserve it. . .

We just recently had a meeting at our church and I didn't get home until about 10:30pm.  And I was actually strongly contemplating a) taking my kids into a store at 10:30pm, purchasing only wine and cigarettes, or b) leaving them home, awake, at 10:30pm, to go purchase wine and cigarettes.  The imagined results of either of these actions, and the nudging of the Holy Spirit, were almost not enough to quench the desire.  The fact was we only had $2.95 in one account, and the mortgage account was suddenly $50.00 short was what actually put a stop to this nefarious idea.  

The next morning, I received an email from Rachael from church, reminding me that there were only a few days left in October in which to bless our pastors for Pastor Appreciation Month.  In my mind I admonished her, "sure, I would love to, but take a look at these bank accounts! I couldn't rob Peter to pay Paul if I had a ski mask".  And this is the crazy way God works; I checked the $2.95 account and you know, there just happened to be a deposit of the sort that I had not seen in about two months.  So, not only was I able to catch the mortgage account back up, put a little bit into the $2.95 account, but I was actually able to bless our pastor's with $50.00.  Not much, considering everything what they do for us, but I believe that it was the amount that God blessed me to give.

And do you know, I still had thoughts about getting those cigarettes and wine?  But I didn't.

Jer 29:13-14a

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity."